Have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough? Well I sure as heck have. In all honesty, I wasn’t even supposed to be the mom featured on our Mother’s Day promotion.
The truth is I had a mom already booked who I felt would be a much better “fit” than me. We were set to take photographs of she and her two beautiful daughters later this week, but I wanted to do some test photos for the set before she came.
So how did I end up in the photos? The answer is simple —my husband and partner, Pedro. He said, “Don’t you want to get in some shots too?”. Each time he asked I told him no, slightly considering the thought more and more each time until I finally cracked. He suggested I wear one of our studio gowns. Then I pulled my hair up into the same hairstyle I’ve had a thousand times, and threw on some chapstick.
Seriously. That’s all that happened. So why was it so hard? I’m assuming the same reason moms all around the world have camera rolls of more than 1000 photos of their children, and only 20 of the photos include themselves. The number of snapshots of both them and their children pictured together is probably less than 10% of their camera roll. It’s hard because we’re not thinking of ourselves. It’s hard because we don’t think we’re perfect. Our hair isn’t right. We don’t have makeup on. What if we don’t look good?
Girlfriend guess what? These are really just figments of our fears of what beauty means to us when all along strong women and mothers like you have been creating our own standard of beauty. When my children look back on photos of me, I’m almost certain they won’t be thinking of those small details we nitpick and use as excuses everyday. They’ll simply reply, “This is Mama. Oh, and that’s me!”
What are you waiting for? Seeing yourself for what your littles see in you BEGINS NOW at our LImited Edition Mother’s Day Spring Portrait Sessions.
When: April 13-14, 2019
Where: In-home Studio in Valley Ranch (Porter, TX)
What you’ll receive: Up to 20 minutes of session time + 3 digital images and a print release + option to purchase the full gallery and products (our products are amazing by the way)
This post contains sensitive images, please read at your own risk.
I’ll preface this blog post by saying that you may need a box of tissues. I often find myself hitting the delete button frequently, always second guessing whether or not I should share the bits and pieces of the legacy my stillborn son leaves behind.
**caption: Rainbow baby, Jaxon, reaching for his toy car. I refer to him as a rainbow, because they often appear after heavy storms. Hence, a beautiful baby after my stillbirth.
While browsing through old Facebook photos on my personal profile, I ran across a few images of my second son, Jaxon. One of the photos was an image of him reaching for a toy car that was placed in the window. Another image showed him playing with a Winnie the Pooh stuffed bear, a character that carries such a sensitive and symbolic meaning in our family that I can’t help but to share.
**caption: Playing with the paws of Old Winnie.
You see, Winnie the Pooh was my favorite character as a kid. There’s a special kind of nostalgia that swells up inside of me when I think of the stories A.A. Milne shared of a bear named “Pooh”. Well, I’m known for going against the grain and while everyone else threw baby showers of popular Nickelodeon and Disney characters, I couldn’t help to bring back those memories. So we scoured countless numbers of big box stores and online sites as if we were looking for treasure, trying to find Winnie the Pooh themed decorations for Melo’s baby shower. We were out of luck for awhile until we came across the Treasure Chest, the local crafts store that was stocked with lots of Winnie the Pooh items. Well, to make an already long story shorter, one day after celebrating the life, memory and tough days that lie ahead, our son Carmelo passed away.
Fast forward nearly 2 years, and we’ve been blessed to have an incredibly intelligent and active rainbow baby by the name of Jaxon. Two years ago I didn’t think I’d be able to have another child, or have the perseverance to go through something similar. Going through a pregnancy where everything looks good and then suddenly complications appear and growth stops at nearly 8 months gestation. It’s a lot to deal with -mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. But —I did it. I persevered, pushed through and put all the doubt and fear aside —having faith despite the possible outcomes (one of the joys of being a slightly optimistic individual).
I guess the point of all of this, is to tell the Moms, who like me, struggle on holidays like this that you’re a great mom. You may not get it right every time, second guess yourself often or even have days where you want to be alone. You may feel a void inside, or that you’re over feeling that void, but it’s okay. Because even when you don’t read them a bedtime story, tuck them at night, or give them a goodnight’s kiss —you’ll always be enough. You’ll always be the BEST Mom in the world to them, and they wouldn’t have it any other way.